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双语合并：Jappiter 校对：Jappiter 后期：Jappiter
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今天有一位毕业生 There is one graduate here today
他赢得了本校的每一个荣誉 that has won every single honor and award this school gives out.
这个毕业生 就是我们的朋友 范·伟德 That graduate, our friend, is Van Wilder!
今天在这里 我很激动 我希望我能够 Standing here today, I cannot help but wish I could stay
永远都待在高中里 in high school forever.
我的意思是 这里有那么多温暖的回忆 I mean, there are so many warm mammories...
那些学校带给我的回忆 Memories I have of this place.
不过 众所周知 生活不断在变化 But, you see, change, like life,
命运总在不经意之间降临到我们头上 has a way of sneaking up on us.
尤其在我们最不希望看到的时候 When we least expect it, yeah.
当然 有些时光似乎过得很艰辛 Sure, the timing may seem very, very bad,
不过有时候又觉得不错 非常不错 but yet it feels good, so good,
和学校里那些拥有最聪明头脑的同学 to be graduating with some of the sharpest minds
以及拥有 最快速而灵巧舌头的同学 一起毕业 and swiftly darting tongues that this school has to offer.
(Mouthful = 暗指口内射精)
听我在这里漫谈 我真想让你吃一大口 Listen to me ramble. I am really giving you a mouthful.
不过在我结束之前 我想说我最荣幸的就是 But before I'm finished, it is my extreme pleasure
(Oral Exams = 暗指口交)
我认识了一些通过了最棒的口头考试的姑娘们 to recognize someone who has aced her oral exams,
一些班级里的佼佼者 who has always been head of the class,
拥有最棒的 成绩 graduating summa cum laude.
我们的学生代表 Our very own valedictorian.
祝贺 毕业生们 Congratulations, graduates!
-恭喜 儿子 -谢谢 -Congratulations, Son. -Thanks.
现在 让我们离开这里 我们越早点到达阿姆斯特丹 Now, let's get out of here. The sooner we get to Amsterdam,
就越早点忘记这里 the sooner we won't be able to remember it.
是啊 Yeah.
-你不去阿姆斯特丹 -我去不了 -You're not going to Amsterdam. -I can't.
谢赫·穆罕默德 正在迪拜旁边建立一个小岛 Sheik Mohammad is building an island outside of Dubai.
而我要去帮助他进口100万吨的沙子 And I'm gonna help him import a million tons of sand.
这是个很棒的机会 范 It's a huge opportunity, Van.
嘿 你终于可以摆脱我了 Come on. You're gonna have a great time without me.
在荷兰探索每个区域 Exploring nether regions in the Netherlands
这是个很好的方法去渡过大学前的暑假 is not a bad way to spend your summer before college.
我不知道为什么我不能放弃大学直接帮你工作 I still don't know why I can't just skip college and come work for you.
我的意思是说 我知道这些业务 我们可以一起 I mean, I know the business, we could hang out...
范 我们伟德家族每一个男人都上过库立吉大学 Van, every Wilder man has graduated from Coolidge.
这是传统 传统是一些你不能打破的东西 It's tradition. And tradition is something you just don't break.
我要走了 嘿 玩得愉快 I gotta run. Hey, have a great time,
想做什么就做什么 不过要记住 do everything I wouldn't do, and remember,
-"就算被打倒成千上万次" -"伟德家族的人永不放弃" -"Banging, broke or blitzed"... -"A Wilder never quits".
把它写下来 Write that down.
留级之王 新生季
3
很好 很好 看看谁来了 Well, well. Look who just arrived.
范 你还要去上大学吗 Van, do you have to go back to the college?
在阿姆斯特丹陪我们吧 Come back to Amsterdam with us.
杜利亚 芭贝特 对不起 女士们 我必须去 Dulia, Babette, I'm sorry, ladies, but I must.
我为这个等了30年了 I've been waiting 30 years for this.
这房间是小了点 不过我有办法 It's a little small, but I can work with it.
范·伟德 我是你新室友 Van Wilder. I'm your new roommate.
好的 法利 All right. Farley.
抽烟吗 Smoke?
真高兴和你是室友 Man, am I glad we are roommates, man!
这个地方简直就是毒品天堂 This place is a pimper's paradise.
(Special Brownies = 掺了大麻的巧克力蛋糕)
我准备搞一点特殊的布朗尼尝尝 I'm gonna make some of my special brownies.
"这给我带来过好运 希望也能带给你 爱你的爸爸" "This brought me luck, may it bring you the same. Love, Dad."
天哪 我们被特工入侵了 My God! We've been invaded by Supercuts!
-中尉 德克·阿诺德 ROTC -下士本尼迪 ROTC -Lieutenant Dirk Arnold, ROTC. -Corporal Benedict, ROTC.
范·伟德 WTF Van Wilder, WTF?
尊敬的院长 查尔斯·里尔登 请你立即去一趟 The Honorable Dean Charles Reardon requests your presence immediately.
但是我刚刚穿上拖鞋 But I just put my slippers on.
范·伟德来了 长官 Van Wilder, sir, as you ordered.
回到你的小队去 Return to your squad.
很好 很好 伟德先生 Well, well, Mr. Wilder.
很高兴你加入我们 Nice of you to join us.
上校查尔斯·里尔登 库立吉学院院长 Colonel Charles Reardon, Dean, Coolidge College.
怎么了 查克 How's it hanging, Chuck?
你看到这些年轻人了 伟德 You see these fine young men, Wilder?
这些都是我的士兵 These are Reardon's Raiders.
他们在过去三年里打赢每一次的ROTC战争游戏 They've won every ROTC war game for the past three years.
他们是我的骄傲和快乐 They're my pride and joy.
好狗狗 我尤其喜欢你的吉娃娃 Good doggies. I especially like your Chihuahua.
自由女神是纯种意大利灰狗 Lady Liberty is a purebred Italian greyhound.
事实上 我是说那个人 Actually, I was talking about that guy.
阿诺德 Arnold!
保护自由女神 Secure Lady Liberty.
我们去散个步 孩子 Let's you and me take a little ride, son.
呆在原地 Stay.
-好狗狗 -快走伟德 -Good dog. -Get the lead out, Wilder!
你知道吗 我和你父亲一起在这里上学 You know, I went to school here with your father.
他表现的好像他拥有这地方似的 He acted like he owned the place,
就因为他的姓刻在了那栋楼上 just 'cause his family's name was on that building over there.
你知道那个名字对我来说意味着什么 You know what that name means to me?
就像蠢驴的奶头 孩子 我现在走出阴影了 About as much as titties on a mule, son. I run this outfit now.
既然你在这里 你就要遵守我的规则 And while you're here, you'll follow Reardon's Rules.
不许喝酒 不许做爱 不许举办派对 No drinking, no fornicating, and no partying, period.
不然你将是你们伟德家族第一个无法大学毕业的人 Or you'll be the first Wilder who fails to graduate from Coolidge.
懂了吗 Now, do you follow me?
懂了 长官 你喜欢蠢驴的奶头 Yes, sir! You prefer your mules titless!
让我们有话直说 小子 Let's get one thing straight, son.
因为你爸的事业和关系 我可能没法把你开除 I may not be able to kick you out of here 'cause of your daddy and his dough.
但如果你搞我 我就会让你天天祈祷能够离开这里 But you screw with me, and I'll make it so you'll pray to leave.
滚出去 Out.
我很高兴我们有这次谈话 I'm glad we had this talk.
也就是说今后我们之间不会有麻烦 Means there won't be any problems in the future.
今晚有派对 今晚有派对 今晚有派对 谢谢 Party tonight, party tonight. Party tonight, party tonight, thank you.
你闻到了吗 法利 这是一种机会的味道 You smell that, Farley? That's the smell of opportunity.
一种成千上万新鲜美女的味道 你好 The smell of thousands of new girls. The... Hello.
范·伟德 新生社团的主席 自我任命 Van Wilder, Chairman of Freshman Relations, self appointed.
这是我的搭档 法利·马力 This is my partner, Farley Marley.
-扎哈·拉斯塔法里 -他是来自牙买加 -Jah Rastafari. -He's from Jamaica.
-对 -我们有一个小小的 -Right. -We're having a little
暖房派对 今晚 没什么大场面 就那么几百个朋友 room warming soiree tonight. Nothing big, just a few hundred friends,
发泡机 氧化亚氮 卡布基诺 如果你们能来 我们很高兴 foam machine, nitrous, frappuccinos. We would love it if you ladies came.
-一个派对 -你在开玩笑 对吧 -A party? -You're joking, right?
不 No!
没关系 It's okay.
哎 太尴尬了 Wow. This is embarrassing.
无法相信没人来 I can't believe nobody showed up.
哈哈 有人来了 Well, it's about time.
派对 Party?
(Yu Dum Fok = You Don't Fuck)
那么 于蹲福 你大老远从中国跑来 So, Yu Dum Fok! You came all the way here from China.
是的 我成长的村庄无聊透顶 Yes. Village I grow up in boring as shit.
没有派对 我幻想啤酒 浪女 还有贴在我屁股上的奶子 No party. I dream of beer bong, bimbos, and boob on my butt.
所以我在血汗商店里工作 赚钱 来到这里 So, I work in sweatshop, save money, come here.
甚至付不起房间的租金 不得不睡在门卫的壁橱里 Cannot even afford room, have to sleep in janitor closet.
那是我听过最美的事情 于蹲福 That's one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard, Yu Dum Fok.
不知有没有冒犯你的祖先 我们能不能就叫你于 于 No offense to your ancestors, but maybe we'll just call you Yu, Yu.
范 怎么会没有热辣的 年轻的 美国小骚B Van, how come no hot, young, American cat?
库立吉是头号派对学校 Coolidge is number one party school!
1979年 我了个去 1979. Wow!
女孩曾经有阴毛吗 Girls used to have hair?
我真不想打击你 于 I hate to break it to you, Yu,
不过今天可能什么都没有 but I don't think that's the case anymore.
没有派对 No party?
没啤酒 No beer bong?
-没奶子贴在我屁股上 -没有 -No boob on butt? -No.
那我回壁橱去了 我要去喝"Breach" I go to janitor closet now. Drink "breach".
忘掉"Breach" Forget the "breach".
孩子们 现在是长袍时间 Boys, it's toga time.
朋友们 罗马人 修女们 借给我你们的啤酒 Friends, Romans, grunting women, lend me your beers.
欢迎 Welcome.
(Jugs = 俚语里的胸部)
很漂亮的水壶 Nice jugs.
他们包含了羔羊体内神圣的血液 They contain the sacred blood of the lamb.
你们想不想被净化一下 Do you wish to be purified?
我们来是为了奶子和屁股 We here for boob on butt.
事实上 我觉得我们迷路了 Actually, I think we're lost.
你跟我来 我的姐妹们会照顾好你的朋友 Come with me. My sisters will take care of your friends.
不知道你了解吗 在过去几年里 I'm not sure if you're aware, but in the past few years.
库立吉已成为一个更宗教和保守的校园 Coolidge has become a more religious and conservative campus
相对以前而言 than it used to be.
我最好帮你拿开这个 I'd better take these.
酒精是恶魔的漱口水 Alcohol is the devil's mouthwash.
在库立吉 我们不喝酒 At Coolidge, we're dry.
你知道吗 科学取得了惊人的进步 You know, science has made incredible advancements
在个人润滑方面 in personal lubrication.
你也不需要这些 You won't be needing these, either.
高潮是魔鬼的海洛因 只要有过一次 你就会上瘾 Orgasms are the devil's heroin. Just once, and you're hooked.
"耶路撒冷的众女子啊 不要唤醒爱 直到它已准备就绪" "Oh daughters of Jerusalem, do not awaken love until it is ready".
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen. -Amen.
所罗门之歌 八节四章 Song of Solomon, 8:4.
(Bone = 俚语勃起的阴茎)
没有罪过的女孩都应该握住第一根骨头 Let she who is without sin grasp the first bone.
伟德 六节九章 Wilder, 69.
也许你和你的朋友应该去其他学校 Perhaps you and your friends should look into a different school.
这里都是罪人 We have enough sinners here.
你有没有其他学校女孩的电话号码 You wouldn't happen to have their phone numbers, would you?
你的灵魂非常不纯洁 You have a very impure spirit.
那里有一个黑黑的 可怜的洞在等待着你 There's a dark, wretched hole waiting for you.
没问题 不过你最好先请我喝一杯 Okay, but you have to buy me a drink first.
我认为这还是再说吧 I think that can be arranged.
我现在知道卫生巾是什么感觉了 Now I know what a tampon feels like.
我们被整了 哥们 This is a complete fuckery, you know, man.
没奶子 没屁股 No poom poom, no ganja.
什么耶稣还是吸血鬼 往我们身上泼血搞毛啊 Vampires for Jesus, throwing blood on us?
-我不能这样混四年 -我们还是喝"Breach"然后被遣返回家吧 -I can't take four years of this bullshit. -We drink "breach," get sent home.
嘿 没人要去喝"Breach" 而且没人会被遣返回家 Hey! No one's drinking "breach!" And no one's going home.
你有什么好想法 So what did you have in mind?
我们要震动一些东西 We shake things up a bit.
我们为什么不去买一些 Why don't we just buy some?
那有什么意思 Where's the fun in that?
这个不错就像奶子和屁股一样有意思 This almost as good as boob on butt.
对我的小朋友说哈喽 Say hello to my little friend.
对不起 Sorry.
不要忘记牙线 Don't forget to floss.
嗨 德克 你的超级大枪怎么样了 Hi, Dirk. How's that big gun of yours?
-嘿 小甜心 -嘿 小甜心 -Hey, honeybear. -Hey, honeybear!
凯特琳 真高兴你能做到 我们怀念你能再回来学习圣经 Kaitlin. So nice you could make it. We missed you in Bible study again.
-赞美诗 -哈哈 -Hymnal? -Whoa!
好手法 贞洁小妞 Nice arm, Jezebel.
-这是你的吧 -谢谢 -I believe this is yours. -Thanks.
我是范·伟德 一个浪漫到无可救药的人 Van Wilder, hopeless romantic.
-凯特琳·海耶斯 -我女友 -Kaitlin Hayes. -My girlfriend.
嗯 很高兴地看到有一些基督徒 Well, it's nice to see there are some Christians
还在做慈善工作 who still do charity work.
凯特琳 我们走 Come on, Kaitlin, let's go.
是啊 去抢点好座位 Yeah, before all the good seats are taken!
不用了 谢谢 我有自己的 No, thanks. I brought my own.
谢了 Thank you.
今天 我要讲讲我们学校的事情 Today, I wanna talk about something that's all over this school,
不是讲铅笔 不 也不讲书本 今天讲罪过 and it isn't pencils, no. And it isn't books. But it's sin.
罪过 S-I-N. Sin.
大家知道 这关系到我们每个人 You know, it seems like they'll let just about anybody in school these days.
除了耶稣 Except Jesus.
最近我花了很多时间来检查耶稣的笔录 And, you know, I took the time to check Jesus' transcripts,
我发现耶稣有完美的GPA and I find out that Jesus has a perfect GPA.
是的 GPA就是上帝平均分 Yeah, that stands for God Point Average.
阿门 阿门 Amen, amen.
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen. -Amen.
不过什么是校园的第一罪过 But what is the number one sin on campus today?
很显然 就是性 Quite plainly, it's sex.
-性 -性 -Sex. -S-E-X.
-性 -性 -Sex. -Sex.
甚至我们一谈到性 我们就已经有罪过了 Even as we're speaking, the sinning is beginning. Amen!
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen. -Amen.
阿门 姐妹们 Amen, sisters.
-先生们 上帝是 -哈利路亚 姐妹们 -Gentlemen, the Lord is... -Hallelujah, sister!
-一个喜欢通过隐秘的方式 -哈利路亚 -...about to work in very... -Hallelujah!
-来工作的人 -哈利路亚 -...mysterious ways. -Hallelujah!
姐妹们 我希望你们能感受到上帝就在你们的体内 That's right, sisters. I want you to feel the Lord inside you.
因为乱伦 做爱 还有罪孽之王 自慰 Because fornication, copulation and the king of all sins, masturbation,
这些罪过随时都在发生 甚至就在此时此刻 is happening all around us, even at this very moment.
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen! -Amen!
不过我们有秘诀 因为耶稣站在我们这边 But we've got a secret because we've got Jesus on our side.
能不能再说一次阿门 Can I get an amen?
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen! -Amen!
阿门 姐妹们 她们感觉到上帝了 Amen, sisters! Yes, they're feeling it right now!
她们感觉到上帝的能量充斥在她们的体内 They got the power of the Lord deep down inside them.
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen! -Amen!
哈利路亚 姐妹们 哈利路亚 Hallelujah, sister, hallelujah.
-哈利路亚 -哈利路亚 -Hallelujah! -Hallelujah!
-我要你们都祈祷 -阿门 -I want each of you out there to pray. -Amen.
祈祷你们感觉到她们感觉到的 Pray that you might be feeling what they're feeling.
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen! -Amen!
没错 她们在与上帝对话 Yes, they're talking to the big guy.
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen! -Amen!
喔 姐妹们现在感觉可能不错 Oh, the sisters are feeling mighty good right now.
-阿门 姐妹们 -阿门 -Amen, sisters! -Amen!
是时候来点真家伙了 It's time for some tits and mass.
-阿门 阿门 -阿门 阿门 -Amen! -Amen!
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen! -Amen!
阿门 姐妹们 Amen, sisters!
这就是我想说的 That's what I'm talking about!
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen! -Amen!
打开你珍珠般的大门吧 亲爱的上帝 You might as well open up your pearly gates, dear Lord.
因为姐妹们来了 姐妹们来了 'Cause these sisters are coming! These sisters are coming!
姐妹们都来了 These sisters are coming!
-阿门 -阿门 -Amen! -Amen!
你知道这些是什么吗 You know what these are?
是的 先生 Yes, sir.
而且我认为这些对婚姻是很健康的 And I think experimentation is healthy for any marriage.
听着 小子 虽然我无法证明 不过我知道是你干的 You listen to me, funny man. I can't prove it, but I know it was you.
(Bottom = Gay中的受 = 范故意理解为要插他屁屁)
你放心 我会查到底的 And you can rest assured, I will get to the bottom of this.
用这个尺寸的话 能不能给我点凡士林 In this case, Chuck, may I recommend some Vaseline.
你知道 如今 院长有更大的影响力 You know, nowadays, the Dean has much more influence
在学生的课程 over a student's curriculum.
我有一些特别的东西要给你 And I have got something special in store for you.
一些让你成为男人的课程 Something to build character. Something to make you a man.
-左 左 左 -左 左 左 -Left, left, left, left, left, left... -Left, left, left, left, left, left...
我想说 你们被人关了小黑屋 I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say
而且都不是你们的错 that none of you signed up for this, either.
如果他们认为我们来到大学 Well, if they think that we came to college
就是为了玩一些士兵们玩的 脑残的 to waste our time playing soldier
原始人似的 战争游戏上浪费时间 to some slack jawed, pituitary pumping, testosterone tweaking Neanderthal,
那么他们 then they...
是百分之一百正确的 Are 100% correct.
稍息 向右看齐 向前看 Attention! Straight line! Eyes forward!
我是下士海耶斯 我将成为你们的演习指导员 I'm Corporal Hayes. I will be your drill instructor.
我的任务就是指导你们通过ROTC体能训练 It's my job to guide you through your ROTC physical training,
想要从这里毕业 这是必须的 which is required to graduate from this institution.
还有什么问题吗 Are there any questions?
你说 士兵 Yes, soldier.
你有没有 比如说偶然的机会下 会私自下和别人玩插插洞 Do you, by chance, drill in private?
好 伟德先生 如果你喜欢 Well, Mr. Wilder, if you'd like,
我肯定能花一些私人时间和你一对一玩玩 I'm sure I can arrange for us to spend a little one on one time together.
怎么样对你来说是不是个全新的体验 This a new experience for you?
是啊 Yeah.
通常我喜欢用电器 来帮我碰到一些比较难碰到的点 I usually go electric. Helps get those hard to reach spots.
胡闹 你这种男孩我早就见过 Hilarious. I've met guys like you before.
你唯一在乎的人就是你自己 The only person you care about is yourself.
-怎么了 -没事 -Something funny? -Yeah.
我只是迫不及待证明你是错的 I just can't wait to prove you wrong.
我倒是想看看 We'll see.
噢 对了 你确实有个点没碰到 Oh, and by the way, you missed a spot.
享受吧 Enjoy.
不好意思 我点的是我的"好吃的" I'm sorry. I ordered mine wel done.
我在血汗商店里吃的都比这个更好 I have better food in sweatshop.
不会那么差吧 于 Oh, it can't be that bad, Yu.
-怎么了 我刚吃过零食了 -哈哈 看看这里是什么 -What? I had the munchies. -Well, look what we have here.
好久没看到这么多大便 I haven't seen this many turds
自从我上次赢了学校的热狗大赛 since I won that campus hot dog eating contest.
是啊 自从我昨天采花之后好久没看到这么多紫罗兰花了 Yeah, I haven't seen this many pansies since I was picking flowers yesterday.
我知道 我在制作我的计划 而且 Remember, I was making that arrangement, and the...
伙食怎么样了 女孩们 So how's the chow, ladies?
我给了介绍信三个星 我真这么干了 I give the presentation three stars, I really do,
不过这些肉 干了那么一点点 but the pseudo meat, it's a little dry.
你吃吧 现在好点了 哈哈 There you go. All better.
知道吗 听说他们招的都是些好男人 You know, I heard they were looking for a few good men,
不过我猜他们只是饥不择食 but I guess they'll take whatever they can get.
-嘿 德克 -凯特琳 嘿 小甜心 -Hey, Dirk. -Kaitlin! Hey, honeybear, hi!
你们这些小男生在干嘛 What are you boys up to?
哦 我们只是在恭喜这几个年轻的新兵 Well, we were just congratulating these fine young soldiers here
今天是他们的第一天 你了解我的 我是友好的中尉 on their first day of duty. You know me, Lieutenant Friendly.
友好的中尉甚至主动提出和我交换午餐呢 Lieutenant Friendly here even volunteered to switch meals with me.
哦 多好的人啊 Oh, what a nice guy.
是啊 恩 很好吃 Yum, yum. That is so good.
你的怎么样 德克 How's yours, Dirk?
嗯 很好 Oh, God.
怎么样 好吃吗 Well, how was it?
你总是当榜样 Always leading by example.
-那么 我们还是要去那个比赛吗 -嗯 我 -So, are we still going to the game? -Oh, I...
当然了 You bet we are!
什么比赛 What game?
-周末有一场足球比赛 -真的 -There's a football game this weekend. -Really?
这些屌丝数年来从来没赢过 These losers haven't won a game in years.
别这样 输赢并不重要 Come on, it's not about winning or losing.
最重要的为了我们学校 It's about supporting your school.
啊哈 你太对了 宝贝 学校精神 You know what? You are so right, babe. School spirit.
好的 我要回去上课了 Okay, well I'm gonna get back to class.
拜拜 Okay. Bye.
很好 臭小子 你正式和我树敌了 All right, guess what, queerbait? You're officially on my bad side.
这个团队是一个笑话 但让步的话我可能可以买一个新的悍马 The team's a joke, but the concessions will probably buy me a new Humvee.
是啊 Right.
我用早餐赌这些家伙赢 I take bigger hits than these guys for breakfast.
不 这不是团队的错 No, it's not the team's fault.
-臭小子们 振作起来啊 -他们没有精神支柱 -You guys, come on! -They've got no inspiration.
看起来啦啦队的队员在祈祷上帝来帮忙 It looks like the cheerleaders are asking for a little divine intervention.
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
你去哪里 哥们 Where you going, man?
我来搞定这个 To fix this.
我这辈子就没见过这么糟糕的表演 I have never seen such a sorry display in all my life.
我的意思是 热情到哪里去了 激情哪里去了 I mean, where's the fire? Where is the intensity?
看在上帝份上 你们干嘛那么紧张 And for God's sake, where are the tight ends?
你们的队伍需要你们 Your team needs you out there.
当一个啦啦队员不是扎个辫子和举个破花乱晃 Okay, being a cheerleader isn't about pigtails and pompoms.
你们需要支持你们的队伍 即使他们打的很臭 It's about standing by your team, even when they suck.
尤其当他们很臭的时候 Especially when they suck.
-嗯 -是呀 -Yeah. -Yeah.
现在 你们认为你们能做到吗 Now, do you think you can do that?
-能 -能 -Yes. -Yes.
你们认为能让我们老校队一些尝试的动力嘛 Do you think you can give it the old college try?
-能 -能 -Yes. -Yes.
你们认为有可能 只是可能 让这些可怜的家伙得分吗 Do you think maybe, just maybe, you can help those guys score?
-能 -能 -Yes! -Yes!
这就是我想说的 That's what I'm talking about.
不过首先 我们要先用剪刀剪几下 But first, we're gonna have to make a few cuts.
我们的啦啦队怎么那么性感 Who knew our cheerleaders were hot?
我们的啦啦队怎么是女的 Who knew our cheerleaders were women?
嘿 伙计们 妞们做好了她们的分 Hey, guys. The girls have done their part.
现在轮到你们了 Now it's your turn.
对了 她们说如果你们赢了这个 Oh, and they said that if you win this thing,
她们就在胜利派对里面等你们 they're throwing you a victory party.
胜利派对 伙计们 没错 来吧 一 二 三 Victory party, guys. All right, let's go. One, two, three...
-库立吉 -库立吉 -Coolidge! -Coolidge!
加油 你们能做到 现在 Come on! I know you can do it, now.
我告诉你 我不知道这是谁的主意 I tell you, I don't know whose idea it was,
不过这些妞的屁股转的真带劲 but these cheerleaders are grinding it harder than Juan Valdez.
搞毛 What the...
上帝我爱你 Sweet Jesus!
现在 就是我想说的 Now, that's what I'm talking about!
小心你的头 Watch your head!
伙计们 载我一程 Guys, give me a ride.
嘿 Hey!
-学校精神 -不 谢谢你 -School spirit? -No, thanks.
来点啤酒 How about a beer?
用杯子的 In a bottle.
我不该来这里 I shouldn't be here.
嘿 等等 Hey, wait up!
我会跟着你到你寝室 I'll walk you back to your dorm.
不好意思 我只是 我只是不想做任何 I'm sorry. I just... I can't afford to do anything that might jeopardize
-会妨碍我进入军官训练学校的事情 -我能理解 -getting into officer training school. -Understandable.
我肯定看起来很古板 I must seem like such a Goody Two shoes.
不 No.
你只是很谨慎 I was gonna say prude.
你应该看看孙子兵法 You know, you should read The Art of War by Sun Tzu.
他说 "所有伟大的战争是基于欺骗" He say, "All great warfare is based on deception."
"提供敌方诱饵 引诱他" "Offer the enemy bait to lure him."
"假装混乱和爱恋他" "Feign disorder and crush him."
或者她 Or her.
他还表示 在了解我们盟友的真实动机之前 He also says we cannot enter alliances
不能轻易加入联盟 晚安 until we know the designs of our neighbors. Good night.
你甚至都不让我进你的房间 You're not even going to let me escort you to your room?
你看 你都说我是个谨慎的女生了 Now, what kind of a prude would that make me?
嘿 你从哪里来的 Hey, where'd you come from?
从你的小笼子里逃出来了 Broke out of your little cage, huh?
我靠 What the hell?
我的老天 Oh, my God.
你是我最好朋友 You're my new best friend.
这个给你 Here's to you.
巨无霸 Colossus.
-嘿 -嘿 -Hey. -Hey.
嗨 很棒的派对 Hi! Great party.
不用谢我 谢龙舌兰吧 还好吗 Don't thank me. Thank tequila. What's up?
找到你裤子了 Found your pants.
范 我采取了你的意见让我剃掉我的体毛 很有效 Van, I took your advice about shaving my excess body hair, and it worked.
她说就是今晚了 She said I'd get laid tonight.
-她是什么专业的 -法律 -What's her major? -Pre law.
-推荐她以书面形式提出 -嘿 范 -Get it in writing. -Hey, Van.
嗨 伙计们 伙计们 伙计们 我会一一找你们 我保证 Hey, guys, guys, guys, I will get to all of you later, I promise.
哇 Wow!
嘿 校园大名人 Hey, big man on campus.
-这是福也是祸 -范 范 我需要你帮助 -A blessing and a curse. -Van! Van, I need your help.
-冷静 于 -我在课堂上遇到一个女孩 "灰常"性感 -Calm down, Yu. -I meet girl in class, "berry" sexy.
我说她漂亮 她说"滚吧" So I say she beautiful. She say, "Get lost!"
然后我说她聪明 她说"滚吧" So I say she smart. She say, "Get lost!"
然后我说我认识范·伟德 她说"你住哪里" So I say, "I know Van Wilder," and she say, "Where your room?"
事态开始好起来了 但是我直接给她一个"康妮铃铛屁股" Things heating up, but first I give her Connie ring ass.
-"康妮"谁啊 -"康妮铃铛屁股" -Connie who? -Connie ring ass!
-"铃铛屁股" -"铃铛屁股" -Ring ass? -Ring ass!
-舔阴 -哦 对 -Cunnilingus! -Oh, right!
然后她就哭了 就逃了 So next thing, she cry, she run out!
告诉我你都干了些什么 Show me what you did.
天哪伙计 你没把她送到医院就算你走运了 Jesus, man! You're lucky you didn't send her to the fucking hospital.
你从哪里学到的 Where did you learn that?
-性学堂 -什么性学堂 -Sex "crass". -What sex "crass"?
现在 性呢 就是当一个男性的罪恶的棍棒进入 抽出 Now, sex is achieved when a male's sin stick is in, on,
或者就是 总之进入抽出女性的地狱之洞 or in the same room as a female's hell hole.
现在 无论女性们怎么说 Now, no matter what the woman says,
为了生育 这个过程最多需要几秒钟 the act of procreation should only last for a few seconds.
记住 如果你觉得舒服了 你就做错了 And remember, if it feels good, you're doing it wrong.
唐教授 有个紧急电话 Professor Downs! There's an emergency phone call.
-你太太发生意外了 -告诉她我等会给她打电话 -Your wife was in an accident. -Tell her I'll call her later.
-她开的是你的跑车 -那个贱货 -And she totaled your Mustang. -That bitch!
-把书翻到20到22页 -你好 -Class, turn to pages 20 to 22 and... -Hello.
醒醒吧 Wake up!
我的名字是伟德教授 My name is Professor Wilder.
(DD = D杯的奶子)
我有学士 硕士和博士学位 而且我从DD中拿到了BJ I have BA, an MA and a PhD. And I received a BJ from a double-D.
这些是我的助教们 These are my teaching assistants.
欢迎来到性101 Welcome to Sex 101.
这叫做火热 This is hot.
-是啊 -是啊 -Yeah! -Yeah!
这不火热 This is not.
-不 -不 -No! -No!
手呢 Hand?
不对 Bad!
我们称之为侧翼机动 We call this maneuver "flanking".
谁能告诉我这是什么体位 Who can name this position?
-于 -玻璃潜水艇 -Yu. -Glass Bottom Boat!
这个呢 And this one.
后背口交 Analingus!
-这个呢 -密西西比亲吻吉普赛 -And that one. -Mississippi Kiss the Gypsy.
喷雾螳螂 欲火之舞 超人之爱 Spraying Mantis. Horny Dancer. Superman.
绿野仙踪 The Gizzard of Oz!
这是我的最爱 That's my favorite.
-女士们 -你好 手 遇到了龟头 -Ladies. -Hello, hands, meet the glans.
-还有 -不要偷懒 要使劲地干 -And? -Don't be daft, work the shaft.
-男士们 -不要窝囊 揉搓阴蒂 -Guys. -Don't be a twit, rub that clit.
你们在学习了 You're learning!
记住 永远要安全的性爱 Now, remember, always practice safe sex.
事后要自己清理好 安全套就像报纸 But clean up after yourselves. Condoms are like newspapers.
它们也许充满了重要的东西 They may be filled with important stuff now,
但你不想要它们在明天早上仍旧出现在你周围 but you don't want them lying around tomorrow morning.
把这个写下来 Write that down.
海耶斯小姐 Miss Hayes.
今天我就不计较了 不过如果你仍然想当老师的宠物 I'll let it slide this time, but if you plan on being teacher's pet
-你应该等下课再出来 -课 -you really should stay after class. -Class?
你在看玩笑吧 You're kidding, right?
你所讲的那些东西 是不会出现在现实生活中的 Nothing from that soft core seminar would actually work in real life.
好吧 如果想要我就用舌头帮你们 Okay, I give you tongue if you like.
关键是你把一个个粗俗的东西 解剖了呈现出来 The point is you put on a disgusting display of vulgar anatomy,
还有低俗且肮脏的打油诗 crude stereotypes and dirty limericks.
你好像记录了大量的笔记 Which you took copious notes on.
这对你来说都是游戏 This is all a game to you.
你就会圆滑的谈话 然后就会"啊""吧"的 谢谢你 范 It's a lot of smooth talk, and then it's wham, bam, thank you, Van.
是这样 我爸爸告诉我 如果有什么事情值得你去做 Well, my father taught me, if it's something worth doing,
就值得去做 it's worth doing right.
我爸爸也告诉我了 人生中最好的事情 Well, my father taught me that the best things in life
往往是值得你去等待的 are worth waiting for.
-等待 -待会见 老师 -Wait. -Catch you later, teach.
范 范 好吧 谢谢 谢谢 Van! Van! Okay, thank you, thank you.
-我是于 -我是冬梅 -I'm Yu. -I'm Dongmei.
你知道吗 我不知道是什么 但总感觉天空中有些东西 You know, I am not sure what it is, but there is something in the air tonight.
一些叫做 Something called...
爱 女孩 Love, girl.
看 这就是雷鬼音乐的全部意义所在 See, that's what the reggae music is all about.
爱和 Love and...
虾 Shrimp?
看看那些 Look at those.
火焰喷射器 使用火焰喷射器 Flamethrowers! Use the flamethrowers!
长官 想要进入我体内的许可证吗 Permission to come inside, sir?
凯特琳 你看起来好像 Kaitlin, you look like a...
流氓 Tramp!
有时候我也像 That's what I feel like sometimes.
我的意思是 我知道她有男朋友 不过这个 I mean, I know she has a boyfriend, but it's like...
对不起 我不该用这些打扰你 I'm sorry. I shouldn't be boring you with all this.
好 我有一些小小惊喜给我们 Here. I have a little surprise for us.
糖醋 Sweet and sour.
准备 目标 开火 Ready, aim, fire!
凯特琳 你怎么了 Kaitlin, what's gotten into you?
这么说吧 我今天在课堂上学习到了一些东西 Let's just say I learned a few things in class today.
凯特琳 我需要能量 Kaitlin, I need my energy.
明天早上我还要通过障碍赛 I have to pass that obstacle course in the morning.
我这就给你一个障碍 I'll give you an obstacle.
不要 Don't.
真高兴你今晚上没事 I am so glad you weren't busy tonight.
去吧 Go ahead.
上帝 God.
昨晚上把范教授的方法付诸于实践了 Put some of Professor Van's methods to the test last night?
你想得美呢 你呢 You wish. What about you?
我想您会在伟德厅和苏西姐妹会的人一起喝啤酒吧 I figured you'd be in Wilder Hall sucking beers with Susie Sorority.
旅行书 Travel books.
我一直觉得你不仅仅是个普通的女兵 I always had you pegged as more of a Soldier of Fortune girl.
旅行是我想进军队的理由之一 Traveling's one of the reasons why I wanna be in the military.
去看看这世界 To see the world.
你知道 有的休假不会涉及机关枪 You know, there are vacations that don't involve machine guns.
是啊 Oh, right.
春假在墨西哥 冬天在加勒比海 Spring break in Mexico, winters in the Caribbean.
你可能在阿姆斯特丹度过夏天 You probably spent summer in Amsterdam.
我认为这让一个人能迅速了解国际语言是很重要的 I think it's important to familiarize oneself with international tongues.
-生活就是一个大派对 是吧 -为什么不呢 -Life's just one big party, isn't it? -Why shouldn't it be?
上次我发现我们只一起聊过一次 对吧 Last time I checked, we only go around once, right?
除非你相信轮回 Unless you believe in reincarnation.
如果那样的话 我愿意下辈子当你的按摩棒 In that case, I wanna come back as a Thigh Master.
怎么啦 What?
嘿 等等 Hey! Wait up!
你知道吗 你可以成为一个很好的领袖 You know, you could be a great leader if you just learned
如果你首先知道怎么遵守命令的话 how to follow orders first.
其实我不想当一个权威人物啦 Not a big fan of authority figures, actually.
-原来是某人老爸有所要求 -这使得我们有共同点了 -Someone has father issues. -That makes two of us.
-什么 -得了吧 -Excuse me? -Come on.
你爸不就是一副强硬的外表 外加穿着军装 The whole military routine, the tough exterior.
你根本不了解我和我的父亲 You don't know anything about my father or me.
-你只是看到制服和 -你只是看到大楼上的名字 -You just see a uniform and... -You just see a name on a building.
好吧 怎么不给我个惊喜 Well, why don't you surprise me?
好吧 首先 我从来没去过伟德大厅 All right. First of all, I've never even been in Wilder Hall.
其次 对于那些所谓的规定 And secondly, for someone who's so big on rules,
就是这些 here it is.
"学生的内衣必须适度" "Student undergarments should be as modest"
"并且越不暴露越好" "and unrevealing as possible".
-那又如何 -所以我的第六感告诉我 -So? -So my sixth sense is telling me...
-你是个丁字裤女孩 -什么 不 我不是 -You're a thong girl. -What? No, I'm not.
-我第六感从不骗人 -这次骗了 -My sixth sense does not lie. -Well, it does this time.
今后你最好 And in the future, you might want to keep it,
保留好你的第六感 有些东西是私人的 私人的 and the rest of your senses to yourself. Some things are private, Private.
下士 我认为这是我们进行下一步计划的时候了 Corporal, I think it's time we take things to the next level.
等你这句话好久了 I have waited so long to hear you say that.
-什么 -没什么 我 -What? -Nothing, I...
靠 你差点把我吓死 Eve! Jesus, you almost scared the courage out of me.
嘿 德克 你能不能帮帮我 Hey, Dirk, I was just wondering if you could help me.
-怎么了 -我需要和上帝通话 -With what? -I need to talk to God.
那你去和他说吧 我正忙着 So go talk to him. I'm busy.
我需要感觉上帝在我体内的感觉 I need to feel him inside of me.
你不想帮我找上帝 Don't you wanna help me find God?
-听着 我不知道你在说什 -快操我吧 -Listen. I don't know what you're on... -Just fuck me!
滚开 恶魔女人 Get away from me, devil woman!
-德克 -快点 -Dirk! -Faster!
快回来 You get back here!
是啊 我带厕纸给你了 Yes, I bought you toilet paper.
不 它不是棉的 我发誓 No, it's not quilted. Golly!
如果我不问为什么你们是不是也不会说 I won't ask if you don't tell?
妈的 嘿 放开我 What the... Hey, put me down!
你们是不是把所有男孩都带到这里 Is this where you bring all the boys?
是啊 你真是个喜剧演员 Oh, yeah, you're a real comedian.
你喜欢讲笑话 卖弄你的小党派 You like cracking your jokes, throwing your little parties,
把你的舌头插到别人的领地 sticking your tongue in other people's property?
有没有人让这个人放松一下 Can someone get this guy a Tic Tac?
我有个消息要告诉你 酷哥先生 Well, I got news for you, Mr. Cool Guy,
嘻哈先生 热裤裆先生 Mr. Rock 'n' Roll, Mr. Hot Crotch!
你的党派在库立吉没有容身之地 Your party boy bullshit has no place here at Coolidge.
现在你得找出办法怎么解脱 And you're about to find out the hard way.
我要看 I wanna watch!
这个会教会你不要乱搞我的女人 This should teach you not to mess with my girl.
抓住他 Hold him!
来吧 伟德 喝吧 Come on, Wilder. Drink up!
喝够了 Had enough?
你不会正好在管子里放了点麦芽冲成啤酒了吧 You wouldn't happen to have a pale ale on tap, would you?
算了 Screw it.
你的脸感觉如何 How your face feel?
像一个出气筒 Like a punching bag.
也许你该换一个女孩 Maybe you should find another girl.
不 不只是女孩 法利 No, it's not just the girl, Farley.
德克和里尔登和所有其余的人需要知道 Dirk and Reardon and all the rest of those Cro Magnon crotch diggers
他们无法像关塔那摩那样乱搞这个地方 need to learn they can't run this place like Guantanamo U.
靠 谁又给狗喂玉米吃了 Oh, man! Who's been feeding that dog corn again?
法利 拿点手套来 Farley, get some gloves.
好了 妞们 All right, girls!
今天要特殊训练 振作起来 This is covert ops! I want it by the book!
现在给自己化妆 快点 Now camo up! Let's go!
-是 长官 -是 长官 -Sir, yes, sir! -Sir, yes, sir!
-老天 真臭 -快点 走吧 快 -Jesus, it smells. -Come on! Faster! Move! Yeah!
涂上去 Put it on!
上帝的妈妈啊 Mother of God!
长官 他说得对 这闻起来像 Sir, he's right. It smells like...
你想让他闻起来像什么 玫瑰吗 What do you want it to smell like? Roses?
涂上去 Put it on!
好 兄弟们 还剩下一里 加油 All right, troops, one mile left. Double time! Let's go!
-你的脸怎么了 -我跑进了一个军械库 -What happened to your face? -I ran into a tool.
哦 德克 Oh, Dirk!
现在不行 小甜心 我们正在执行秘密任务 Not now, honeybear, we're in the middle of covert ops!
-什么味道 -这个味道 -What's that smell? -That smell?
-是啊 -这是战争的味道 -Yeah. -It's the smell of war!
但是 这闻起来像狗屎 Well, it smells like crap.
-那是不是玉米 -回去淋浴 -Is that corn? -Back to base showers now!
跑进一个军械库 啊 Ran into a tool, huh?
-伟德这回死定了 -德克 你要干什么 -Wilder is dead! -Dirk, what are you doing here?
-这违反规定了 -我不在乎规定了 -It's against the rules. -I don't care about the rules.
-你现在像范一样 -不 不 不 不 -Now you sound like Van. -No. No, no, no.
你别在我的面前再提到他的名字 我甚至不想 Don't you dare say that name to me! I don't even wanna...
我不想听到这个名字 I don't even wanna hear that name!
-德克 冷静点 -我禁止你再和他见面 -Dirk, calm down. -You're forbidden to see him again.
什么 你没权利告诉我谁可以见谁不可以见 Excuse me? You can't tell me who to see.
你听见我说什么了 下士 Oh, you heard me, Corporal.
我不许你见他 不许你和他说话 I don't want you to see him. You don't talk to him. Period!
不然呢 你还要揍他一顿 Or what? You'll beat him up again?
他不是我们的人 凯特琳 He's not one of us, Kaitlin!
-是吗 -是啊 -Yeah? -Yeah.
那么 我也不想成为我们的人 滚出去 德克 Well, then, I don't wanna be one of us, either. Get out, Dirk!
等等 什么 你不能就这么跟我分手啊 Wait, what? You can't break up with me.
我们超过2100小时拥抱在一起 We have cuddle wuddle time at 2100 hours.
拥抱你的枪去吧 Cuddle your gun.
哦 留着你的拥抱小猴吧 Oh, and you can keep Major Mc. Huggles!
其他人呢 Where are the others?
今天只有我和你 士兵 Just you and me today, soldier.
我记得你说过需要一对一训练 Figured you need a little one on one training.
你有十分钟跑到终点 You have 10 minutes to run the course.
让我看看你能不能坚持 Let's see if you can keep up.
能不能让这个变得有趣些 Care to make it interesting?
如果我赢了 你必须跟我约会 If I win, you have to let me take you out.
不谈性 就在校园里散散步 Nothing sexual, just a tour around campus.
那如果你输了呢 And if you don't?
我清洁一个月的厕所 I'll do latrine duty for a month.
-好的 -太棒了 什么时候开始 -You're on. -Great. When do I start?
已经开始了 You already have.
时间快到了 You're running out of time!
我不行 我没有力 I can't. I don't have any...
加油 你还有10秒时间 10 9 8 Come on. You have 10 seconds. Ten, nine, eight...
嘿 伟德 Hey, Wilder!
你想不想要这个 还是不要 Do you want this, or what?
我就知道你能行 I knew you had it in you.
小菜一碟 Piece of cake.
如果你找到我的右睾丸 告诉我 Let me know if you find my right testicle.
来吧 牛奶蛋蛋 我买冰激凌给你 Come on, milk dud. I'll buy you an ice cream.
妈妈啊 Mother!
很好 All right.
你看他们 中尉 Look at 'em, Lieutenant.
弱智 听着弱智的摇滚乐 Morons, listening to their retard rock.
臭狗 舌舞 就像壁橱里的笨蛋 Horn dogs, tongue-dancing, like cousins in a closet.
你看到下面发生了什么 You see what's happening down there, don't you?
混乱 无政府状态 具有讽刺意味的T恤衫 Chaos, anarchy, ironic T shirts.
我控制不了了 该死的 我拒绝让这种情况发生 I'm losing control, damn it, and I refuse to let that happen.
你知道这都是谁造成的吗 Do you know who's behind it, sir?
我当然知道 I know who's behind it, all right.
看起来像一只到处闻哪里有母鸡的臭公鸡 It's that same rooster that's been sniffing around your hen house.
看起来像某人需要另一顿毒打 Looks like somebody needs another beating!
算了 Forget it.
揍他一顿说明我们承认输了 Beating him up is like beating off.
做的时候感觉不错 但是到最后 It might feel good doing it, but in the end,
我们只是握着自己老二站在那里 we're just standing there with our dicks in our hands.
-不 我需要其他东西 -我应该 -No. We need something more. -I could...
揍他的室友 长官 Beat up his roommate, sir.
妈的 你是傻子吗 God damn it, boy. You stupid?
等等 Wait a minute.
他的室友不是那个瘾君子 Isn't his roommate that pothead?
-是啊 -太好了 -Yeah. -Yeah.
中尉 我有一个想法 Lieutenant, I have got an idea.
小姐 你的战车在等待着你 Milady, your chariot awaits.
-你从哪搞到这个 -查克借给我的 -How did you get this? -Chuck lent it to me.
走吧 We go way back.
谢谢 Thanks.
这真是不可思议 This is incredible.
你说过你想看看这个世界 You said you always wanted to see the world.
我想我们应该从热带地区开始 I thought we'd start with the tropics.
哦 我差点忘记了 最重要的部分 Oh, I almost forgot, the most important part.
-那是什么 -这是我自己调制的 -What is it? -It's my own concoction.
-我称它为"截肢" -为什么 -I call it the amputated leg. -Why?
因为如果喝了超过一个 你屁屁也要遭殃 'Cause if you have more than one, you're flat on your ass.
天哪 看看这个地方 就像基友的伊甸园 Christ! Look at this place. It's like a homo's paradise.
(Cosmo = 一种Gay较喜欢的鸡尾酒)
-来一点"大都会"吗 -放下 把它放下 -You want a cosmo? -Put that down! Put it down!
过来 蠢蛋 Get over here! Stupid ass.
家伙呢 You have the stuff?
你根本不知道我把他藏在我身体哪里了 You have no idea where I had to hide this.
把它放在植物那里 Put it over there in that plant thingy.
从技术上讲 这是一个富于变化的榕树 真的 Technically, that's a variegated ficus. It really...
你好 我想举报一些关于非法麻醉品的 Yes, hello. I'd like to report the possession of some illegal narcotics.
不敢相信我这么做了 翘了我的功课 I can't believe I'm doing this, blowing off my homework,
喝着酒 坐着偷来的汽车 drinking and riding in a stolen vehicle, no less.
上帝保佑美国 God bless America.
你知道吗 你在这里做的 真的很不错 You know, what you've done here, it's pretty great.
哪里 这是法利偷的菠萝 Well, Farley's the one who scooped out the pineapple.
少来 我的意思是 这里 库立吉学校 Shut up. I mean here, this, Coolidge.
不管怎么说 人们更快乐了 I don't know. People seem happier.
那是因为他们在为自己考虑了 That's because they're thinking for themselves.
他们不会整天做他们父亲逼他们做的事 They don't have some father figure telling them what to do.
哦 又谈到父亲问题了 Oh, back to the father issues.
你也知道我的问题 You know a little bit about mine.
-你有什么问题 -你看吧 -What about yours? -Well, let's see.
我父亲的一个军士 他的父亲也是一名军士 My father's a sergeant. His father was a sergeant.
他总希望他儿子是一名军官 He always wanted a son who was an officer.
我正在完成半个他的愿望 Guess I'm just trying to get it half right.
是啊 但主要问题是 你这么做快乐吗 Yeah, but the real question is, is this what makes you happy?
家庭让我快乐 这是传统 Family makes me happy. Tradition.
传统就是让你今后找工作的时候不会有什么困难的东西 Tradition is something that keeps greeting card companies in business.
我认为有的时候你应该说 "我想做我想做的事情 爸爸" I think at some point you gotta say, "I'm gonna do what I wanna do, Dad."
"别管我的事了" "So quit busting my balls".
是啊 我这周末回去会在晚餐上提到这件事 Yeah, I'll be sure to mention that when I have dinner with him this weekend.
你应该放弃以前的一切了 You might wanna leave out the balls part.
我们应该干杯 We should have a toast.
-敬库立吉 -敬你 -To Coolidge. -To you.
敬我们 To us.
我能带你回家吗 Shall I take you home?
事实上 我听说了一些事 Actually, there's something that I've heard about
我早就迫不及待想看看了 that I've been dying to see.
哦 老天 它真大啊 My God, it's huge.
法利和我都住在这里 Well, Farley and I both live here.
于住在浴缸里 Yu uses the hot tub.
这比我住的军队宿舍都要大 I think this is the bigger than some of the military housing I grew up in.
我觉得这个很像我 I think it's a lot like me.
简单而优雅 粗糙但完善 Simple yet elegant. Coarse but refined,
而且这绝对能让女人 and it could definitely use a woman's
触摸 touch.
我早就想这么做了 I've always wanted to do that.
我的截肢有点兴奋了 The amputated leg strikes again.
-你室友在附近吗 -我让他们去看电影了 -Are your roommates around? -I sent them to the movies.
-那么他们很快就会回来了 -我让他们去看所有电影了 -So they'll be back soon. -I sent them to all the movies.
那很好 That's good.
和德克在一起的时候总觉得随时有人会破门而入 With Dirk, I always felt like someone was gonna break down the door.
不许动 Don't move!
检查每个角落 Search the place.
你是不是惹了什么麻烦了 Are you in some kind of trouble?
有可能是图书馆 我严重改变了其逾期还书政策 Either that, or the library has seriously changed its overdue book policy.
我们得到了一个匿名举报 有一些非法麻醉品 We got an anonymous tip that there are some illegal narcotics
藏在了植物那里 being hidden in the plant thingy.
长官 袋子里什么都没有 是空的 There's nothing in the bag. It's empty, sir.
虚惊一场 False alarm.
祝你们有个美好的夜晚 You kids have a nice evening.
别忘了擦干净 Oh, and don't forget to wrap it up.
刚刚发生了什么 What just happened?
巨无霸怎么了 What wrong with Colossus?
靠 这个狗疯了 Damn, yo, that dog is mad blazed.
它肯定把整包都吃了 He must've eaten a whole pound.
嘿 别看着我 我的一直藏在这里 Hey, don't be lookin' at me, man. I keep my stuff right here.
无土栽培哦 Hydroponic.
知道吗 搞我是一回事 You know, messing with me is one thing,
但搞我的狗狗 是另一回事 but nobody screws my pooch.
肯定是德克 It's Dirk. It's gotta be.
他想报复我 因为我和他分手了 He's trying to get even with me for breaking up with him.
你们两个分手了 You two broke up?
抱歉听到这个 Sorry to hear that.
我只是不相信他会做的这么过分 I just can't believe he'd go this far.
我不认为是他做的 I don't think he did.
他只是在玩游戏 I think old Dirky boy's playing Vanna to someone else's Sajak.
现在轮到我们了 And now it's our turn to spin the wheel.
你说什么 他没被捕 What do you mean, he wasn't arrested?
我们没找到毒品啊 We didn't find any drugs.
长官 你能不能告诉我 为什么在这样的正规的学校 Officer, can you tell me why, at such a fine institute
高级知识领域 我却被一群傻瓜玩弄 of higher learning, I'm surrounded by idiots?
-是时候给您做按摩了 -让她们进来 -It's time for your massage, sir. -Send them in.
滚吧 你这个无能的笨蛋 Get out. You're incompetent.
一个 我通常都有两个女孩 One? I usually have two girls.
我不会让你失望哦 Me no disappoint.
圣施瓦茨科普夫 Holy Schwarzkopf.
哦 耶 Oh, yeah.
毛 毛毛的胸部 我喜欢 Hairy, hairy chest. I like it!
你好 是不是里尔登太太 Hello. Is this Mrs. Reardon?
又大 又强壮的胸肌 Big, strong Gl.
知道吗 你做得很好嘛 You know, you Charlie ain't so bad.
可惜我们不得不进攻你们越南 Shame we had to beat you in 'Nam.
我是中国人 笨蛋 I'm Chinese, you dumbass.
-你想快乐的结局吗 -是不是在阿拉伯沙子里拉屎 -You want happy ending? -Does an Arab shit in the sand?
-这是什么 -看是不礼貌的 你只能感觉 -What's this? -Not polite to watch, only to feel.
为什么您的士兵没有立正 Why your soldier not stand at attention?
它会的 就快了 It will, it will.
很好 Very good.
这里有些你最喜欢的东西哦 This is something you'll like very much!
我等不及了 I cannot wait very much.
爽啊 Yeah.
你的士兵立正了哦 Your soldier stand at attention now.
-喜欢吗 -哦 喜欢 喜欢 -You likey, likey? -Oh, yeah, yeah.
-你准备好用嘴帮你按摩吗 -来吧 -You ready for mouth massage? -Bring it on.
这就来了哦 Here it come.
放松 放松 Easy there, easy there.
-舒服吗 -小心点哦 -Feel good? -Watch it.
小心我的蛋蛋 哈哈 Watch Huck and Buck, there.
不许摸 No touching.
真舒服 That feels good.
真热啊 That is so hot.
查尔斯 Charles!
脏死了 So dirty.
我发誓再也不让你做这种事了 绝不 I promise I will never make you do anything like that ever again.
经过今天下午的事情之后 Given the events of this afternoon,
我现在只想做一件事情 there is only one thing in the world that I want.
-打狂犬病疫苗吗 长官 -不是 妈的 -A rabies shot, sir? -No, God damn it!
我要伟德 I want Wilder.
他让我老婆和我作对 让我学校和我作对 He's turned my wife against me, my school against me,
他甚至让我的狗和我作对 he even turned my dog against me.
我要把他踢出去 Wish we could just kick him out!
总有办法可以逼他离开这里 There's gotta be some way I could just force him to leave.
哈 我真想看看他爸爸脸上的表情 Oh, I would love to see the look on his dad's face
当他发现他儿子被学校开除 when he finds out his son is expelled.
我也想看看凯特琳爸爸的表情 I would love to see the look on Kaitlin's dad's face
当他发现他女儿的新男友 when he realizes that his daughter's new boyfriend
不会参军 isn't joining the Army.
你闭上你的嘴 Will you shut the hell...
-谁爸爸 -凯特琳的 -Whose dad? -Kaitlin's.
中尉 我有办法了 Lieutenant! I've got it.
伟德完蛋了 We are gonna finish Wilder.
-你也能报仇 -是的 长官 -And your former squeeze, too. -Yes, sir!
在做这个之前 我有个重要任务要交给你 In order to do that, I have a very important mission for you.
你帮我找点淫荡的女人来 I need you to find me some skanks.
嗨 凯特琳 不好意思 今天轮到你站岗 Well, I'm sorry Kaitlin, but it's your turn for guard duty.
不会再有特殊待遇了 No more special treatment.
下士 快点就位 Nothing personal, Corporal. Just be there.
好了 你认为你能让你朋友都去吗 It's set. You think you can get your friends to go along?
我让她们做什么她们就做什么 They'll do whatever I tell them to do.
太屌了 Awesome.
哦 老天 哦 天哪 哦 Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. Oh, Satan!
怎么了 你在干嘛 别停啊 What? What are you doing? Don't stop!
没弹药了 Out of ammo.
把你的枪给我 Hand me your gun!
敬礼 Ten hut!
我教他的 I taught him that.
怎么了 What's wrong?
是德克 It's Dirk.
他知道我今晚要跟我父亲见面 He knew I was going to dinner tonight with my father,
他故意安排我站岗 and he deliberately scheduled me for guard duty.
那就别去啊 So don't go.
范 站岗不是你想去就去 不想去就不去的 Van, guard duty isn't something you can just shrug off.
如果你不去 或者瞎搞 会毁了前途的 不是开玩笑的 If you miss it, or screw up, it can ruin your career. It's serious.
所以我作为一个男人会好好站岗的 Which is exactly how the boys and I will treat it.
-你要去帮我吗 -嘿 我知道那里不是厕所 -You're gonna do it? -Hey, I know it's not toilets,
不过我相信我会处理好的 but I think I can handle it.
怎么了 你不相信我吗 What, don't you trust me?
我相信你 I trust you.
但我们今晚有约会 很火辣 But we have dates tonight! Hot ones!
欧文 相信我 Irving, trust me.
这种弱智行为是不现实的 不管怎么说 That sucking action is not realistic, no matter what it says on the box.
我是说真的约会 范 很火辣的那种 I mean real dates this time, Van! Hot ones.
-人类女性 -很火辣的 -Human females? -Hot ones.
告诉你们吧 到时候她们会来的 Tell you what. They can come along.
好 上上下下 左右左右 手脚开始 Yes! Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start!
现在 我们主要看守什么 Now, what exactly are we guarding?
你们不能进入里尔登上校的悍马 You will not get inside Colonel Reardon's Humvee.
你们不能触摸悍马 你们不能看悍马 You do not touch the Humvee. You do not look at the Humvee.
那我们怎么看守它 Then how are we supposed to guard them?
你们不能看悍马 You do not look at the Humvee!
现在 Now,
这次看守任务最好能像拉稀屎一样顺利 this guard duty better come out smooth as a bran muffin shit,
不然有些人就会去用手去帮你们抠屎 or somebody's gonna have their ass handed to 'em.
任何问题 Any questions?
请问你是不是那个抠屎的人 Will you be the one doing the ass handling?
别担心 伟德 你的就要来了 Don't worry, Wilder. Yours is coming.
我开始喜欢那个人了 I am really starting to like that guy.
-学校里怎么样 -很好 -So, how's college? -It's great.
我学了很多有趣的课程 军队历史 心理学 I'm taking a lot of interesting courses. Military history, psychology...
知道吗 德克那天打电话给我 You know, Dirk called me the other day.
说你和他分手了 Said you had broken up with him.
是啊 Yeah, well,
我认识了另一个人 I met somebody else.
是一个军人吗 He a military man?
他很尊重军人 He respects the military.
女士 Ladies.
欧文 你邀请了那个"鸡鸡"女人 Irving! You invited the "dick" girls?
这是个坏主意 This is a bad idea.
范 不要如此孬种 Van, don't be such a dork.
你好 异教徒 Howdy, heathen.
好吧 女儿 通过学校和德克 Well, honey, with school and Dirk,
还有所有发生的事情之后 and everything that's been going on around here,
我只想知道一件事 你是否 I just wanna know one thing. Are you...
-是的 爸爸 我很幸福 -那很好 -Yes, Dad. I'm happy. -That's great.
你是否还在努力准备去军官训练学校 But are you still on track for officer training school?
听着伙计们 Listen, guys.
也许我们应该慢一点 Maybe we should slow down just a little bit.
我是马斯 战争之王 I am Mars, god of war!
谁想让我对你的身体放炮 Who amongst you shall engage in body shots?
嘿 士兵 想操我吗 Hey, soldier! Wanna fuck?
不用了 谢谢 No. Thank you.
我可以肛交 I do anal.
海耶斯下士 请坐 请坐 Corporal Hayes. As you were, as you were.
我就在餐馆另一边 没看到你 I was on the other side of the restaurant. I didn't see you.
很荣幸看到你 长官 It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.
是我的荣幸 我不知道海耶斯小姐 The pleasure's all mine, Sergeant. I didn't realize Miss Hayes
原来出自豪门 came from such good stock.
很好 希望她能比我更有出息 Well, hopefully she will climb a bit higher up the ladder than I did, sir.
这是肯定的 凯特琳天生就是当军官的料 I have no doubt, Sergeant. Kaitlin is officer material all the way.
她的记录无人能破 Her record is flawless.
你这边也差不多了 我也刚刚准备返回基地 Say, you're about done here. I was just heading back to the base.
你想不想顺道游览一下 你可以看看你女儿在单位里的表现 Would you like a tour? You could see your daughter's unit in action.
我不认为这是个好主意 I don't think that's such a good idea.
-那太棒了 我去 -爸 -I'd love to, sir. -Dad!
我真是以你为荣 我想去看看 I'm really proud of you. Love to see it.
来吧 给你的爸爸展示一下 走吧 Come on. Show off for your old man. Let's go.
-请吧 -好的 -Please? -Okay.
-你会享受的 -谢谢 长官 -You're gonna enjoy this. -Thank you, sir.
哎呀 我忘拿我钱包了 你在外面等我 好吗 Oh, you know what? I forgot my purse, so I'll meet you outside, okay?
好的 All right.
你知道我想对你做什么吗 You know what I wanna do to you?
离我远一点 Leave me alone permanently?
嘿 小心 嘿 住手 嘿 Hey, watch that! Hey, stop... Hey!
不的意思就是 不行 No means no.
快点 范 快接电话 Come on, Van. Pick up.
海耶斯小姐 Miss Hayes.
可以吗 Shall we?
你会非常自豪看到这一切 You're about to be very proud about what you'll see.
我的老天 What in God's name...
凯特琳 这是你的单位 Kaitlin, this is your unit?
最后一次警告你 不要 For the last time, no!
范 Van?
你肯定是凯特琳的爸爸 You must be Kaitlin's father.
海耶斯下士 我还以为你是个好的领导 Corporal Hayes, I thought you were a better leader than this.
我以为你是军官的料 I thought you were officer material.
你知道这一切的后果吗 Do you understand what the consequences of this will be?
-里尔登上校 我 -她会接受 -Colonel Reardon, I... -She will accept
任何惩罚 any punishment you deem fit, sir.
等等 我能解释 Wait. I can explain.
凯特琳 让我解释这一切 Kaitlin, let me explain.
-真是个男人 德克 -我的荣幸 长官 -That a boy, Dirk. -My pleasure, sir.
我们走吧 凯特琳 Let's go, Kaitlin.
现在 Now.
你真恶心 You're disgusting.
打我电话 Call me.
你知道我有报告这一切的责任 You realize it's my duty to make a report of this.
我会在她小记录上写上这一切 Gonna put a pretty big stain on her pretty little record.
不过是时候让你学到 这世界上有些东西不是你随便能乱搞的 But it's about time you learn there are some people you don't fuck with.
你想怎么样 What do you want from me?
还不明显吗 我要你走 滚出去 Isn't it obvious? I want you gone, out, quit.
乖乖的夹着你的尾巴滚回你爸爸面前 Running home to Daddy with your tail between your legs.
如果我说不呢 What if I say no?
那我猜海耶斯小姐的前途就完蛋了 Well, then I guess Miss Hayes' military career will be coming
一个糟糕透顶的结局 to a rather premature and ignoble end.
告诉你一件事 Tell you what.
明天晚上和一些人吃晚餐 Having some people over for dinner tomorrow night
讨论我们的年度军事演习 to discuss our annual war games.
为什么不告诉我你的决定 Why don't you give me your decision then?
希望明天能见到你 Good seeing you.
伟德家族的人永不放弃 A Wilder never quits.
然后我说"我将给你些帮助" So I said, "I've got some affirmative action for you."
"不过你的孩子将绝对不会得到" "I can affirm that your dumb ass kid won't be getting"
"在我们学校学习的任何机会" "any action at my school."
嗨 Yo!
报道 Cap'n Crunch!
我做了决定了 I've made my decision.
我决定我们要处理这一切 一切的一切 I've decided we should settle this, once and for all.
像个男人一样 不欺骗 不搞背后小动作 Like men. No more sneaking, no more backstabbing.
让我们正面公开解决我们的问题 Let's just get it all right out in the open.
对不起 我不知道你在说什么 I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.
你和我父亲有矛盾 You've got a problem with my father,
和我的名字有矛盾 这真是太糟了 a problem with my name, and that's too bad.
不过如果我就这么坐视不管 看着 But I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit around and let you
和你的小狗们把整个学校冲到厕所里 and your little peons flush this school down the toilet
并且伤害我在乎的人 我会受诅咒的 and hurt the people I care about,
我绝对不会让你把她给拖下水 because, even though you dragged her into this,
不会让这发生在凯特琳身上 this has never really been about Kaitlin, who,
一个就算在最差状态也比你好的多的女军官 on her worst day, will be a better officer than you ever were.
那个姑娘比我 你 还有我的小狗狗加起来还要有种 That girl's got bigger balls than you, me, and my freakish dog combined.
我受够这些小游戏了 伟德 I have had enough of these little games, Wilder.
滚出去 Get out.
游戏 Games?
你想玩游戏 You wanna play games?
你最喜欢的小战争游戏怎么样 How about one of your precious little war games?
输的人离开库立吉 Loser leaves Coolidge. For good.
你觉得怎么样 What do you think about that?
可以 不过我觉得你就要完蛋了 孩子 I think you're in for an old fashioned ass kicking, son.
如果我是你孩子 我早就让自己完蛋了 If I was your son, I'd kick my own ass.
对不起 I'm sorry.
你完了 伟德 完了 You're finished, Wilder. Finished.
海耶斯小姐 伟德先生的举动让我觉得 Miss Hayes, in light of Mr. Wilder's behavior
我可以把昨晚的事件从你的记录中移除 I am going to remove last night's incident from your record,
并且我可以给你我的军官推荐 and I am giving you my official recommendation
给军官训练学校 for officer training school.
谢谢你 长官 Thank you, sir.
不过我想我要拒绝 But I'm afraid I'll have to decline.
军官训练学校只会接受那些 The officer training school only accepts those who have
接受过最荣耀训练的人 received the most honorable training.
你的名字如果出现在我的介绍信上将会使我不合格 Your name on my recommendation would render me ineligible.
用其他话说 长官 玩蛋去吧 In other words, sir, go fuck yourself!
凯特琳 Kaitlin!
凯特琳 Kaitlin.
我搞砸了 爸爸 对不起 I blew it, Dad. I'm so sorry.
-他是对的 -什么 -He's right. -What?
凯特琳 我希望你成为一名军人 Kaitlin, I wanted you to be a soldier.
我仍然这么想 I still do.
不过想成为军人必须要走扭曲的道路 But if getting there means having to march in a line that's crooked,
那军人就狗屁都不是 then it ain't worth a damn.
你进入军队不是去遵守什么 而是去领导 You don't join the Army to follow. You join it to lead.
而领导就是要去做你认为正确的事 And the only way to lead is to do what's right.
这才是我的女儿 That's my girl.
这些都不行 None of this is gonna work.
我们需要一个知道自己在做什么的人 We need a man who actually knows what the hell he's doing.
一个女人怎么样 How about a woman?
凯特琳 我向上帝发誓 我没有碰那个女人 Kaitlin, I swear to God, I never touched her.
好吗 我是被强奸 Okay? It was man rape.
得了 我只想知道一件事 Save it. I only wanna know one thing.
你想不想加入联盟 盟友 Are you ready to enter an alliance, neighbor?
他好像想 It seems he is.
那就足够了 Okay, enough of the soft stuff.
查尔斯让我们五人融为一体 Reardon's got us outnumbered five to one,
所以我们不能让他抬起头来 so there's no way we can take him head on.
我们要用自己的手段来搞他 We're gonna fight him on our own terms.
我们干什么 What do we do?
我们用你们唯一会做的事情来做 我们好好玩一把 We do the only thing you guys know how to do. We have fun.
任何一个失去袖标的人将被视为被抓获 Anyone who loses an armband will be considered captured.
抢到所有对方袖标的小队将获胜 Whoever captures the other team's general wins.
里尔登的突击队 谁是你们的指挥 Reardon's Raiders, who's your general?
查尔斯·斯通沃尔·里尔登 长官 Charles Stonewall Reardon, sir!
你们的队伍穿戴黄色袖标 Your team will wear the yellow bands.
小牛队 谁是你们的指挥 Team Maverick, who's your general?
就是我咯 That would be me.
最近怎么样 查克 想我吗 How's it hanging, Chuck? You miss me?
嘿 Hey.
你的队伍穿戴橘色袖标 Your team will wear the orange bands.
听到警报就开始比赛 The game begins when you hear the siren.
希望你们都准备好了 I hope you're prepared, gentlemen.
今天有人要回家了 Someone's going home today.
好吧 听清楚了 第一战队 采取左翼 All right, let's listen up. First squad, take the left flank,
渡河 第二战队 采取右翼 past the lake. Second squad, right flank.
第三战队 直接冲 Third squad, head on.
还有我们的侦察队 And our recon team,
好吧 他们有个良好的开端 well, let's just say they have a head start.
中尉阿诺德留在我身边 Lieutenant Arnold will stay with me.
下士本尼迪 你看守车辆 Corporal Benedict, you'll guard the Humvee.
好了 警报响了 All right, men, there's the siren.
现在 让我们去拿下那些混蛋 Now, let's get these bastards!
-进攻 -进攻 -Raiders! -Raiders!
上校 我们用无线电侦察 Colonel, we got recon on the radio for you.
侦察员 报告 你能看到他们的基地 Recon, report. Can you see their base?
-我看到了 长官 -怎么样 -I have a visual, sir. -What's going on?
-射击 长官 -老天 他们在向我们开火吗 -Shots, sir. -Jesus Christ, they're firing at us?
不是 先生 是果冻氧球 No, sir. Jell O shots.
重复 果冻氧球 他们已经得到了爆炸 I repeat, Jell O shots. They've got the blast!
-他们向我们投弹了 -不是 长官 -They've got explosives? -No, sir.
是果冻氧球的蓝莓爆炸 这是我最喜欢的 长官 The Jell O shots with a blueberry blast. It's my favorite, sir.
他他妈在说什么 What the hell's he talking about?
听上去他们好像在开 Sounds like they're having a goddamn...
派对 Party!
这些沙子到底怎么来的 So, where did all this sand come from?
感谢 谢赫·穆罕默德 Thank Sheik Mohammad.
谁 Who?
-怎么样 -我们连上了 -How we doing? -We're up.
给里尔登传送吧 Give Reardon the feed.
侦察报告 Recon report.
长官 显示器上有点问题 Sir. Something's happening with the monitor.
测试 测试 你好 Testing, testing, check, check, hello.
不好意思他们不能来接电话现在 I'm sorry, they can't come to the phone right now.
不如你给他们留个信 Would you like to leave a message?
你们怎么解决了我的人 How the hell did you eliminate my men?
查克 "解决"真是个难听的字眼 Chuck, "eliminate" is such an ugly word.
范·伟德万岁 Van Wilder rules!
让第一战队冲上去 You tell first squad to move in.
还有让本尼迪看好我的悍马 And have Benedict on standby with my Humvee.
下士本尼迪 Corporal Benedict!
是 长官 Yes, sir!
站在原地等待部署 Stand by for deployment.
是 长官 Yes, sir.
你听到没 站在原地等待部署 You heard him! Stand by for deployment!
那边 That way!
嘿 帅哥们 Hey, guys!
一起来晒晒皮肤吧 Come skinny dipping!
这是什么 What the hell?
我在色情片里看过这个 I seen this in a porno once.
-见过这个吗 -别害怕 -Have you seen this before? -Don't be scared.
跳进去 宝贝 Jump in, baby.
等等我 Wait for me!
第一战队 报告 第一战队 报告 First squad, report! Report, damn it!
我替你的部队道歉 查克 不过他们决定做爱 Sorry about your troops, Chuck, but they decided to make love,
而不是打仗 not war.
狗娘养的 Son of a bitch.
我也加入了哦 Gotta conga.
你好 Hello!
-长官 我找到对方的指挥了 -我陷入一个沙滩陷阱了 -Sir, we found their general. -I hooked myself into a sand trap.
好啊 别就傻站在那 抓他 蠢驴 Well, don't just stand there, capture him, you jackass!
抓住他 Grab him!
把袖标给我吧 指挥 Give me the armband, General.
告诉你这是个沙滩陷阱了 I told you it was a sand trap.
小姐们 Ladies.
我还是不错 I still got it.
他们抓到他没有 Well, did they get him?
没有 Not exactly.
-请批准我发火 长官 -不批准 -Permission to get angry, sir. -Denied.
不批准 Denied!
喝点果汁 Wet your whistle?
第三战队死哪去了 他们应该到那里了 Where the hell is third squad? They should've been there by now.
嘿 查克 我只想让你知道 第三战队走了一点弯路 Hey, Chuck! I just wanna let you know, third squad took a little detour.
妈的 伟德 God damn you, Wilder!
你们站在这里干什么 Well, what are you doing just standing there?
你们这些娘娘腔为什么不滚出去帮我把范·伟德抓回来 Why don't you pussies get out there and get me Van Wilder?
-走 -出去 出发 -Go! -Get out there! Move! Move!
我感觉不到我的头发了 伙计 I can't feel my hair anymore, man.
那说明这起作用了 That means it's working.
如果我是你们我就不会往前走了 I wouldn't go any farther if I were you.
哈 谁能阻止我们 就凭你 Yeah, who's gonna stop us? You?
绝对 Exactly.
这就是全部了 Is that all you've got?
-我去找他们 -不 -I'll go after them, sir. -No!
叫下士本尼迪 Get me Corporal Benedict.
我们开着悍马冲到他们营地里 We'll take the Humvee and run right over 'em.
你是个天才 You're a genius.
下士本尼迪 Corporal Benedict.
下士本尼迪 Corporal Benedict!
德克 我有没有说过我爱你 Dirk, have I ever told you I love you, man?
我们都爱你 耶 We all love you. Yeah!
-什么 -真柔软 长官 -What? -It's so soft, sir.
你尝过大麻吗 Have you felt the helmets?
头盔在我头上 真柔软 Rub your helmet with me, it's so soft.
你他妈的蛋糕吧 You fucking fruitcake!
-那到底是什么 -别问了 也别说了 -What was that? -Don't ask, don't tell.
好了 查克 我们搞定你的人了 你和小德克为什么不 Okay, Chuck. We got your boys. Why don't you and little Dirky
投降并且参加我们的派对呢 surrender and join the party?
不可能 投降 投降 Never. Surrender? Surrender?
我宁可再看一下我的叔叔裸体 I'd rather see my uncle naked again.
这是个意外 It was an accident.
如果你想抓到我 就过来抓我吧 If you want me, Wilder, you have to come and get me.
-我们去吗 -走吧 -Shall we? -Let's.
去阻止他们 现在 去 Get out there and stop them! Now! Go!
他是个杂种 He's a little pissant!
让我陪你一起去 Let me go with you.
对不起 爸爸 这是需要我自己来解决的事情 Sorry, Dad, but this is one fight I need to finish on my own.
-去搞了他 -走吧 -Go get him. -Let's do it.
那就是基地了 There's the base!
凯特琳 Kaitlin.
我知道你会回来找我的 I knew you'd come back for me.
你说什么来着 我攻击 你防守 What do you say? I go high, you go low?
不 这个混蛋交给我 你走 No. This asshole's all mine. Go.
-你确定 -没错 -You sure? -Yep, I got it.
来吧 小甜心 Come to papa, honeybear.
你什么都不是 You got nothin'.
-我可以和你打一天 -这是第一下 -I could do this all day. -That'd be a first.
你头发闻起来真香 这是什么味道 叛徒的味道吗 Your hair smells really nice. What is that, Essence of Traitor?
-慢慢来 -查克 -Not so fast. -Chuck.
起来 Get up.
真火辣 Hot stuff.
闻起来不错 You smell good.
这不是在卧室里 Wish you fought this hard in the bedroom.
你看 这就是为什么女人永远在军事上没用 See, this is why women will never make it in the military.
因为你们两腿之间什么都没有 You got nothing between your legs.
草 Shit!
怎么样 这让我们两一样了吧 小甜心 Yeah? Well, that makes two of us, honeybear.
很逼真的BB枪 Nice BB gun.
我家里有个和这个差不多 I got one just like it at home.
也许不太一样 Maybe not.
让我告诉你哪里错了 伟德 Let me tell you what's wrong with you Wilders.
你以为因为别人喜欢你你就能为所欲为吗 You think you can change the world just because people like you.
告诉你一个秘密 孩子 人们就像蟑螂 Well, here's a tip, son, people are like cockroaches.
你踩死了一些 就会来更多 You crush a few, the rest will scatter.
-对不起 你说什么 我在发短信 -有趣 -I'm sorry, what? I was texting. -Funny.
笑到最后的是我 But the last laugh is mine.
天煞的狗 God damn dog!
我说过 没人能欺负我的狗 Like I said, nobody screws my pooch.
坐下 Sit!
乖孩子 Good boy.
橘色队伍赢了 Orange team wins!
伟德 这还没有结束 Wilder, this isn't over.
如果你认为我退出了 你就大错特错了 And if you think I'm quitting, you are screwed in the head.
大家听好了 我才是安全的保障 Hey! Listen up! I am doubling security!
我要重新编写规则手册 And I am rewriting the rule book!
我会让库立吉成为糖果乐园 I'm gonna make the old Coolidge look like Candy Land!
你无法阻止我 And you can't stop me.
是啊 不过他可以 No. But he can.
汤姆斯 你他妈在干什么 你不能和他站在同一战线 Thomas, what the hell are you doing? You can't side with him.
-他不是我们的人 -你自己造成这一切 士兵 -He's not one of us. -You made your bed, soldier.
你现在得进去了 警官 Now you're gonna have to sleep in it. Officer!
-把他带走 -嘿 我哪儿都不去 -Get him out of here. -Hey, I'm not going anywhere.
记住谁给你支付工资 Remember who stamps your paycheck.
-你这算不算是拒捕 -你他妈太对了我就是拒捕 -Are you resisting arrest? -You're damned right I am!
谢了 Thank you.
这是为了把你的屎都挤出来 This is for putting up with your bullshit.
这个 And this
是为了你当年拒绝我儿子的入学申请 is for denying my kid's admission.
这个行动怎么样 贱货 How affirmative is that action, bitch?
下士 你们今天的战术是我这辈子见过最荒唐无耻下流的 Corporal, those were about some of the most outrageous tactics I've ever seen.
不过我肯定会在给军官训练学校 I'll be sure to note that in my recommendation
的推荐信上写下别的赞语 for officer training school.
现在请原谅我要离开 Now, if you'll excuse me,
我要来喝个裸体酒 I believe I'll engage in a body shot.
我为你自豪 儿子 I'm proud of you, Son.
-嘿 -嘿 -Hey. -Hey.
范 我很高兴让你见我的首席安全顾问 史蒂芬·温克先生 Van, I'd like you to meet Stephen Walker, my head of security.
伟德先生 我在此正式向您提出我的任务的辞职 Mr. Wilder, I'm hereby tendering my resignation for this assignment.
很好 Very good.
我很高兴和你共事 先生 It's been the utmost pleasure working with you, sir.
-是啊 -干得很好 史蒂芬 -Yeah. -Great work, Steve.
我们公司里再见 好吧 好 I'll see you back at the office, all right? Good.
上 上 上 上 上 上 Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
好啊 Yeah!
-接下来 你怎么想 -什么怎么想 -So, what do you think? -About what?
哦 我想你在这里已经证明了自己 想和我一起工作吗 Oh, I think you've proven yourself here. Wanna come to work with me?
事实上 关于这个问题我想了很久 Actually, I've been giving it a lot of thought,
我决定还是留在学校 and I've decided to stay in school.
一个睿智的人曾经告诉我 传统 A smart man once told me that tradition
是不能轻易被打破的 is something you just don't break.
把它写下来 Write that down.
走吧 Let's go.
-你想离开这里 -错过这个派对 -So, you wanna get out of here? -And miss the party?
相信我 Trust me.
会有更棒的 There'll be more.
等等 那个胖子和德克去哪了 Wait, where's that batty boy, Dirk?
长官 我不是警告你 不过有些东西要起来了 Sir, I don't mean to alarm you, but something's about to come up.
什么意思 什么东西 What do you mean, something's about...
-退下去 下士 -我做不到 -Stand down, Corporal! -I can't.
退下 Stand...
还记得我说过生命中最好的事情往往是值得等待的吗 Remember when I said the best things in life are worth waiting for?
-记得 -我觉得我等待的够长了 -Yeah. -I think I've waited long enough.
范 Van!
范 你在干什么 把那个放开 Van, what are you doing? Put that away.
你疯了 不是那里 You're insane. Not here.
现在 所有这一切 Now, all this stuff
库立吉已经没有派对 you've heard about Coolidge not wanting to party
也没有小狗 is a lot of doggy dung.
-放松 -我做不到 -Stand down. -I can't.
我碰到你屁股了 I'm flanking your ass.
你有没有什么药 Do you have any poison?
-你把它撕裂了 -哦 我的老天 -You're tearing it. -Oh, my God.
我要去缝针了 I'm gonna need stitches.
打一些睾酮素 With some testosterone pumping,
脑残的原始人似的 那么 他们是百分之一百 pituitary fucking Neanderthal, well, then, they are 100...
妈的 Fuck me.
妈的 吓到我了 Fuck, that scared me!
-我们来插插吧 -奇怪了 -Let's fuck! -That's weird. Okay.
脱了她T桖 摸她咪咪 Take her shirt off, grab the boob.
停 Cut!
这是个挑战 It's a challenge to...
这并不简单 Now, I'm not saying this is gonna be easy.
有些人堕落了 那么所有人就都堕落了 Some of us may fall, so that all of us may ball.
放松 那些是大球 亲爱的 Oh, easy there, easy. Those are big, old colonel balls, honey.
这是新的体验吧 This a new experience for you?
是啊 我一般都用我的旧球球 Yeah. I usually use my old balls.
我的大蛋蛋 大蛋蛋 Big old, colonel, big, round, colonel balls.
嘿 当我不在摄像机前 我给她们看我的大蛋蛋 Hey, when I'm off camera, I'm just gonna show 'em my old balls!
你必须承认 这也是一种浪漫 You gotta admit, though, this is kind of romantic.
小心牙齿 千万别咬到我 Hey, watch those teeth. Or take 'em out before you do anything.
谁是我的坏男孩 Who's my big, bad boy?
-我是你的坏男孩 -哈哈 -I'm your big, bad boy. -There you go.
自从天主教学校以来 就没这么舒服过了 Oh, God. I haven't been this uncomfortable since Catholic school.
舒服吗 舒服 "Feel good, yeah?" Feels good.
你就是那么说的 但我是这样说"舒服" That's how you'd say it, but I say "feels good".
你知道我的点 中尉 You know my spot, Lieutenant.
妈的 靠 那东西是弹出去的 Holy shit! That thing pops!
学校就是一个小队 College is a team.
一起生活 饮食 如果你幸运的话 作为一个团队 It lives, eats, drinks, and if you're lucky, humps, as a team.
我喜欢汽油味 I love the smell of gasoline in the morning.
你想回到我的家里 吃一些酸奶吗 You wanna go back to my house and eat some yogurt
然后看"贱女孩" and watch Mean Girls?
"贱女孩"不错 不过那些男的太差了 Yeah, Mean Girls is all right, but the guy in it sucks.
我觉得不错 I think he's dreamy.
他让我站岗了 He scheduled me for guard duty.
什么 What?
你想去我家 喝一杯西拉葡萄酒吗 So, you wanna go back to my house, grab a bottle of shiraz
-也许看几集"好莱坞女孩" -不 我讨厌那些婊子 -and maybe flip on The Hills? -No. I hate those bitches.
他知道我今晚要和 He knew I was going to dinner tonight with...
我认为今年 布罗迪·詹纳 是你的竞争对手 I think Brody Jenner's your competition for Jaw Line of the Year.
我要 我要在这里撸一管 把它拿出来 I just... I'm gonna jerk off right here. Pull it out,
在你面前撸一管 可以吗 and just jerk off right in front of you. Is that okay?
你舔我的鸡巴 因为你喜欢品尝它 You lick my dick 'cause you like taste.
转身 转身 Turn around, turn around.
你妈的 舔屁眼舔鸡巴的家伙 You motherfucker, asshole dick licker!
我有"女孩梦三十" I've got 13 Going on 30.
我看过了 我可以再看一遍 I've seen it. I'll watch it again.
-鲁弗洛的炸弹 -是啊 他在那里面屌爆了 -Ruffalo's bomb. -Yeah, he's awesome in that.
你妈的 舔屁眼舔鸡巴的家伙 You asshole dick licker!
我们两就一直这样吧 Could be like this. You and me always.
你看怎么样 一旦我们得到松绑 我们找一个小帐篷 What do you say, once we get loose, we find a little pup tent
然后操一个星期 and fuck for a week?
罗伯特·利维 付的钱不够亮出我的鸡鸡 Robert Levy's not paying me enough to show my penis.
-那是汗水吗 -不 那是射精 -Is that sweat? -No, that's pre-cum.
你得先吃东西 然后再喝香槟 You gotta eat dirt before you drink champagne.
有时候 你必须先像一个男人一样站起来 Sometimes you have got to stand up as a man
在你和女人一起躺下来之前 before you can lie down with a woman.
你得让你的后卫站起来 You gotta get your guard on before your hard on.
什么 等一下 Nothing? You know... Hold on a second.
等一下 Wait. Hold on.
你要怎么告诉一个女人她有两个黑色的眼睛 What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
没事 你已经告诉她两次 Nothing. You already told her twice.
给我你的枪 Hand me your gun.
我无法放下你 I can't quit you.